Dinner is canceled
by AllyLovesYou
Summary: "Losing his partner is the worst thing that ever happened to him."  When Jules is kidnapped how do Lassie and Shawn cope? NO Deathfic!   Juliet/Lassiter friendsship, SHULES!   Better than it sounds!
1. Chapter 1

Enjoy! (hopefully!)

Disclaimer: Psych is not mine! (God, writing this really hurts!)

R&R!

AllyLovesYou.

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_**Shawn**_

It hurts. More than he ever imagined it would. It is as if someone sticks a blade in your abdomen and is slowly twisting. The pain is insufferable. And every day it is getting worse.

But somehow he doesn't mind.

It isn't the pain that makes him want to pass out and never wake up again. It is the feeling of emptiness, loneliness. The feeling that he has failed.

Lassiter telling him every day that there is as good as no hope isn't helping at all.

And the chief announcing with grief in her voice that, if they don't get a clue the next days, the case, HER case, will become a cold case, gives him the rest.

He can't be around them anymore, not if they are giving up on her. So he comes here. But it does not make him feel better. `Cause he remembers that this is the room where he promised her he would protect her, and it makes him want to vomit all over again. `Cause he couldn't, he didn't, keep his promise. He let them get her. Let them take her right under his nose. And now she is gone. And he is probably never getting her back. He doesn't want to think about the consequences that would have.

Head in his hands he thinks about anything he can do so they will find her. But it is hopeless. They already did everything. If her kidnappers won't get in contact, there really is no hope. And they haven't gotten into touch with him or the department the whole week they have her now, so why would they now?

Opening his eyes he shakes his head. He can't think so. Lassie already does that. Anger overcomes him at the thought of the head detective. How dare he give up on her? His own partner! He should have protected her in the first place! He ignores the voice in his head that says "just like you".

Deep down he knows he isn't fair with Lassiter. The head detective already feels unbelievable guilty for letting Jules out of his sight. And he does everything he can do to find her. Shawn remembers how he barked orders and yelled at everyone after they took her. It wasn't a pretty sight.

With a sigh he stands up and makes his way out of the interrogation room and upstairs again.

He has to do something, anything, or he will get crazy.

"_O'Hara! Stop the flirting and let's move! We've got a clue from an unknown caller!"_

_Rolling her eyes at her partners yelling, she gave her boyfriend an apologetic smile._

"_Sorry Shawn, but I have to go. How about we have lunch another time?"_

_Shawn waved her off. _

"_Pfff, Jules! Don't apologize! Lunch is for boring little losers! Action is what we need! You can always eat after you saved the day!"_

_After looking around and seeing that no one was really looking she gave him a small peck on the lips._

"_Thanks! I know you would understand!"_

"_Sure thing! Now, come on! We don't want to let Lassie wait, do we?" He took her hand in his and made his way over to the Head detective who was currently yelling at some frightened Rookie. _

_Juliet slowed Shawn down and leaned in his side._

"_Shawn, I don't think Carlton would like you to come with us. You're not even on this case."_

_But her boyfriend just snorted._

"_Jules. Sweet, naive Jules. I'm sure Lassie is grateful for my help. He loves me! Were like Bonnie and Clyde, partners in crime." Juliet just shook her head._

"_You know one of them is a woman, right?"_

"_I've heard it both ways! And if it is like that than I would totally be Clyde. Or Bonnie. Depending on who is who. Lassie would be in any case the girl!" _

"_Shawn . . ." Juliet tried to stop her boyfriend, with a small smirk on her lips. But Lassiter had already let go of the now traumatized officer and was now facing them, with a growl on his lips._

"_I hope Spencer is just here so he can tell you goodbye, O'Hara!"_

"_Ah Lassie! All cranky and grumpy like always! Love that Tie buddy!" Juliet closed her eyes and sighed. "Here it goes" she thought._

"_I swear to god Spencer I WILL shoot you if you ever again call me your buddy! And I also will kick your ass if you don't jump on this silly excuse of a motorbike right now and drive off!" Lassiter was practically yelling, and if you looked close enough you could see steam come from his ears. _

"_Whoa, Carly! No need to get offensive! Also, you know the girls love the bike! Right? Right, Jules?"_

_But before Juliet could respond, the chief came out of the office. _

"_Mr. Spencer I don't remember hiring you for this case."  
>Shawn just waved her off.<em>

"_No problem at all chief. We're all getting older. And with Iris, no wonder you forget some things . . ."_

"_Mr. Spencer." the chief's voice was dangerous low and Shawn got the sign._

"_Weeeeeell I just call Gus then. Ask him if he has time to play a round of paper basketball."_

_Chief Vick nodded and made her way back into her office. Lassiter made his way outside the station, and before Juliet followed him, she turned around and gave Shawn a peck on the cheek._

_And with a whispered "I think your motorbike is sexy." just for his ears, she was at her partner's side again. Shawn could just stare after his girlfriend. _

_**Lassiter**_

Losing his partner is the worse thing that ever happened to him. He tells himself he should think optimistic, shouldn't lose hope, but every part of detective in him knows that there isn't really a chance that Juliet will be alive. They have her for a week now, and no sign of contact from their side. Why would they keep her alive for so long? He doesn't want to think about something like this. He had already cases where a killer kept his victims alive for over a week, just to torture them in every possible, sick way. He doesn't want to imagine something like this happening to his partner. If this is the case then it is better for her to be dead.

And Spencer's suffering isn't making anything better. He knows the young man is felling guilty, but it is HIM who should feel so. And he does. Really. It's just that he can't show it, that he hides it behind a mask of unconcern, he pretends that he doesn't really care that much. As if he does just care as much as he would about any other detective or officer. He knows people think he's heartless and cruel. He doesn't mind. They can think what they want. They took Spencer from her case ´Cause it was too personal. He be damned if they do that with him.

Then truth is, it is personal. She isn't just his partner, and hell, she is definitely not just another detective. She is his friend. His only real friend who doesn't think he is a maniac because he has more than ten guns at home, but who just thinks he is careful.

And, damn, he misses her. The whole week he has to do without her and it is just too much paperwork for one person.

All in all he is miserable. And soon she will be a cold case, down in the basement with all the other ones whose names are forgotten. But not her. Not Juliet O'Hara whose favourite colour is pink and who can take a guy twice her size down in under a second. Who has pictures of her cats at her desk and a gun in her purse. Not the most important person in his life.

Hell, he doesn't want to hold up with a grieving and depressed Spencer for the rest of his life. His partner better gets back alive.

_In the car Carlton told her more about the call. It sounded like a woman's voice, so he didn't think it was a trap. After all there were searching for two brothers. The woman had apparently seen a car like the one they looked for park in front of an old abandonment warehouse. At that Juliet had just sighed._

"_It's always the abandonment Warehouses, isn't it?" He had to suppress a smirk._

_When they where nearing their destination, he saw his partner nervously twisting with the diamond ring Spencer had put on her finger. It began to be a new habit of hers and she didn't even realize it._

_As they arrived the two of them simultaneously opened their car doors and stepped out. After actually seeing the suspicious car they drew their guns and held them at the hips. With a nod Carlton showed O'Hara she should get the back door. The good partner she was, she understood exactly what he meant and sneaked around the nearest corner. His plan was that the two of them would enter from both sides of the warehouse, to surprise what he hoped were the murder siblings they were searching. _

_Now making his own way over to the front door he felt the usual adrenalin pumping in his veins. How he loved his job!_

_Carefully nearing the door he held his gun in front of him. Hearing his partner at the other side, he really needed to show her how to be more inconspicuous, he knew this was the time. Internal counting to three he kicked the door open, while screaming "SBPD! Freeze!"_

_At the sight before him he let his gun sink. _

_The warehouse was empty, the opposite door closed. No trace of anyone._

"_O'Hara?" _

_He was alone._

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Sob! Isn't the thought of Lassie, standing there all alone, slowly realising it was indeed a trap just heartbreaking?

In the beginning it was my goal to write a one-shot about Shawn while Jules is kidnapped out of his sight. But then Lassie looked so mean in his version so I had to write one from him too, and well now I just look what will happen!

Pleeeeeaaaaasssseeeee tell me what you think! And sorry for grammar or spelling errors! I've got English for a few years now in school, I'm actually German! But I try my best!

And thanks for reading!

AllyLovesYou.


	2. Chapter 2

Tada! Chapter 2!

Disclaimer: Psych does not belong to me. (Not yet! I tell you people there will come a time that . . . okay nobody wants to know that ´cause it will never happen. Well, doesn't stop me from dreaming!)

R&R my friends, R&R!

AllyLovesYou!

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_**Shawn**_

After begging the chief to give him some kind of task, he now sits at his fiancées desk and looks through the file and crime scene photos of some unimportant case he solved before reading the first sentence. But it is definitely better than doing nothing.

The department around him is silent. Officers are hurrying around, doing their work, but no one really speaks a word. It drives him crazy. All of them do as if she is already dead, silently grieving. He just wishes they wouldn't look at him with this pity in their eyes. He is the guy who lost his fiancée, the guy who needed like five years to tell her that he loved her, and then she is taken away from him.

But they are wrong. All of them. They don't know his Jules. Not like he does. She is strong, the strongest person he knows. She will get trough this. She has to.

He sees Lassiter making his way downstairs, probably to the shooting range. He knows the older detective is suffering as much as himself.

Looking down at the case again, he reads the report another time, just so he can do something. But he finds it hard to concentrate, the words becoming blurred before his eyes and he needs over five minutes for the first two sentences.

When he feels a hand on his shoulder he can't help but jump slightly.

"What are you still doing here, Shawn?" His father takes a chair and sits down beside him.

"What do you think dad?" Shawn sighs. He had tried to avoid his father as good as possible. He does not want Henry to see him this vulnerable. Bad enough that he broke down at his father house when he was thrown of her case.

Henry runs his hands over his face. "They told you they would call if they had something new, right?" Shawn doesn't answer.

"Then why don't you go home, sleep a little, shower and eat something?" Henrys voice is annoyed, but you can hear the softness behind it.

His son just shakes his head slowly. Not looking up.

"Goddamn Shawn! It won't bring her back when you starve to death! I don't mind if you come back here tomorrow, but when was the last time you slept properly, or showered? Just go home son, and if it is just for a few hours."

And like in trance Shawn looks up. His face exhausted eyes hollow and chin full of beard stubbles.

"I can't dad." He doesn't know how his dad can't understand. How he can't see how impossible it would be to go home now. It would be like taking a break. A break from believing in her, from searching for her. He can't just go home for a few minutes, to _**their**_ home, while she is possibly dieing somewhere. No, he won't do that. He can't do that, because, by the way, the house is full of memories of her. And while he tries to remember everything about her, he can't go home and lie down in the bed they brought together, or open the commode with all her clothes in. Because a part of him will always ask himself if she will ever be able to do it again.

And bit by bit he sees understanding cross his father's features. He does not ask him again to go home.

_Shawn really called Gus after Lassie and Jules were gone. And with a little whining and complaining he even got him to agree to meeting at the Psych office. As he made his way outside he nearly knocked into Buzz. The tall detective grinned when he saw him._

"_Hey Shawn!" Shawn waved._

"_Buzz! My best buddy! How are you?" Shawn always had a soft spot for the young officer, not just because he always let him and Gus on the crime scenes, but because Buzz McNabb was always in a good mood, and that was exactly what every police station needed._

"_I am good, good! We've got the invitation to the wedding! Francine is totally freaking out. She thinks she won't find a dress that fits her, because she will be in the seventh month by then. She even cried. But I think that are the hormones. You could not possibly be that upset because of a dress, could you?" Buzz looked a little doubtful. Shawn just smirked. _

"_Oh believe me Buzz! Jules and her Mom talked three hours on the phone just about the __**color **__of the flowers for her bouquet. I fear the day she goes dress shopping."_

_Buzz laughed, but Shawn could see him gulp. He clapped his friend on the shoulder before making his way to his car. He had brought it four months ago and loved it just as much as his motorcycle. It was perfect for him and Jules. Sure, at first he had cried (but just a little!) when he had to sell his beloved vehicle, but he fell in love with their beige ford mustang convertible 1965er as soon as he laid eyes on it. After a little convincing on Jules side she had agreed, and now he suspected she loved it even more than him._

_He once had asked, if there would be a fire, who she would save. Him or the car. She said it would be unfair, because the car couldn't save it self. _

_Shawn had to smirk at the memory. _

"_Aaaaaaannnnddd . . . He scores! Spencer wins!" Fists in the air Shawn jumped out of his chair and made a little victory dance. Silently singing "we are the champions"._

"_What? No Shawn! You totally cheated!" Gus crossed his arms over his chest._

_Shawn stopped in his dance and turned to face his friend._

"_Gus, don't be a gooey chocolate chip! How can I cheat in paper basketball?" Gus made his way over to him, one hand at his hip and the other pointing at Shawn. He now looked very similar to Jules when she was angry. "Well", Shawn thought,"only difference: she is hot at the same time." He couldn't say that about Gus. _

"_I don't know how you can cheat on paper basketball Shawn, but I know you did! I am so better than you!"_

"_Whaaaaat? Buddy that is wrong in so many ways! I always beat you!" Shawn's hands were now flailing trough the air. _

"_No! I always beat YOU!" _

"_Gus, now youre just being ridiculous!" _

"_Am not!"_

"_Yes you are!"_

"_NO!"_

"_YES!"_

"_N . . ." They were interrupted from a voice behind them. "I don't believe this."_

_Shawn turned around._

"_Dad! What are you doing here?"_

_Henry Spencer made his way into the room, hands in the pockets of his cargo pants. _

"_Well, I came because I wanted to invite you and Juliet over to dinner tonight. I would have just called, but seems like your phone is out. Again. Had I known that youre busy behaving like four years old . . . ."_

_Shawn held his hands up. "Yeah, alright! Thanks, we would love to come to dinner. Well mostly Jules, but since we are all out of food why not."_

_His father raised his eyebrows. "Don't I feel loved?"_

_It didn't surprise Shawn that his father wanted to have dinner with them. The retired detective was a teddy bear when it came to Shawn's girlfriend, now fiancée. Ever since Jules and Henry met, Shawn and her came almost once a week for dinner. He actually liked it. It was always fun and he was happy that the two of them got so great along. His father actually cried when they told him about their engagement._

"_Alright, since I'm already here, who is on for a late lunch?" His father's voice took him back to reality. Gus nodded approvingly. Shawn took a look at his watch. 2.30pm. Two hours since Jules and Lassie took after their thugs._

_Shawn looked up again. "Sounds good. How about we drive by the station and look if Jules is back yet?" The other two nodded._

_**Lassiter**_

Shooting always helps. He did it when he had problems with his ex-wife, when they had another ying and yang case, when Marlowe was arrested, and he did it now. Loading and firing. Such an easy routine for him. It feels normal. Like shaving or drinking his coffee. Something he does everyday. Sometimes it frightens him. He asks himself what he would do without his gun, and he feels a little alone. His side arm is not an accessory like earrings or bracelets, it's more like underwear. He feels naked without it.

Pang.

Trough the paper victims head. And just for a moment he lets himself imagine it's one of their murder siblings. Stephen Lewis. Or the younger one, Jonathan Lewis. Or both of them. He doesn't really care at this point.

Pang.

Trough the heart. He asks himself if he would really be capable of doing this. Shooting them cold blooded. And then he remembers Spencer's face when the chief tells him. And he is sure he is.

Making his way upstairs again, he goes trough every detail he knows. Another routine, but this one is new. Sure, he always goes trough the facts he knows when he works at a case, but this time he knows the file by heart, can tell you every sentence and could draw the crime scene photos from memory. He stays up at night and looks trough it all again and again and again. He knows he won't find anything new, Spencer didn't find anything after all, but who can blame him for trying?

He sees McNabb at his way and is mildly surprised to see that the young officer isn't looking so much better than himself. For a moment he forgets about his own suffering and thinks about the others too. The ones who are close to her. `Cause he remembers that there aren't just him and Spencer. There is Buzz McNabb who found a good friend in his partner. He didn't even know that the two of them were close, but Spencer told him Juliet had learned with the young officer for his detective exam. He remembers Buzz Face now, when they told the department one of their own was kidnapped. His pale complexion, visibly shaken. Then and when he sees the tall guy staring at his partners desk. He clearly isn't the only one who misses her. Then there is the chief. She always speaks highly of O'Hara but he hasn't thought he would ever see her loose her composure. It was not when he told her that they had his partner, no, she was all bossy then. Told them to do what they could and was powerful as always. It was when she had to tell them that there wasn't really hope left, that soon they had to declare it a cold case. It was then that he saw her though shell brake. She had her head in her hands and it's the first time that it comes into his mind that maybe the two of them knew each other better than meets the eye. Maybe were even friends.

And, of course, there is Henry. The old Spencer always liked his partner and it pains him to remember the moment they had to break it to him. The first days there was anger, and a lot of yelling. He screamed at the chief, asked what exactly they were doing to get his daughter in law back. But bit by bit he could see realisation sink in. He hadn't come to accept that Juliet maybe never came back but he had come to realize it.

Guster surprised him. Carlton would have thought the young man would cry, break down maybe but nothing could have prepared him for the outburst of anger ad determination. The pseudo psychic's sidekick balled his fists and firmly set his jaw. That was a week ago and his features hadn't loosened.

Wondering how he hasn't seen the clear pain of the others till now, Lassiter sits down at his desk again. Looking to his side he sees that Spencer hasn't left his place at O'Hara's desk yet.

He thinks for a moment what he can do know before he pulls out his partners file again. Spreading the crime scene photos on his desk he hovers over them. Nobody can blame him for trying.

_He had a headache. A killer headache. It began with a little pounding in the temples, probably from the adrenaline and the fact that his partner was missing, and grew into a full blown migraine. Letting himself sink into one of the chairs opposite chief Vicks desk he had to fight against the urge to close his eyes. He could hear the hectic voices and steps of his colleagues till the chief closed the door and silence embraced him. Nothing could be heard other than the chiefs few steps to her desk and the screeching of her chair. He didn't like it. Silence left too much room to think. And it brought back fresh memories._

_Him standing in the old warehouse._

_Alone. Calling for his partner. Again and again._

_And then slowly realizing that she would not answer . . ._

_No. He had to stop that. He should concentrate on finding her. Looking up he met the concerned look of Chief Vick._

"_Carlton you alright?" Great. Why didn't he just break down crying? It would result the same, namely him being taken off the case._

_He cleared his throat before answering. "Yes, sure I am alright."_

_The chief didn't look truly convinced, but choose not to drag the subject further._

"_Okay, now would you please tell me what the hell happened there?"_

"_It was a trap."_

_She looked puzzled._

"_But didn't you say it couldn't be a tr . . ." He interrupted her._

"_I know what I said but it must have been a trap. We wanted to surprise them, me coming from the one and O'Hara coming from the other side. I heard movement from her side so I thought she would be ready. I burst into the warehouse just to find it empty, no trace of O'Hara. I tried her door but it was locked so I went around the outside only to find her gun and a small patch of blood. Had to be a trap, chief."_

_Chief just sighed. "Alright. Who is going to tell Spencer?" She looked at him. Hell no. Was she serious? The staring match between the two of them lasted a little longer till Vick eventually gave in._

"_Okay. I'll call him. Detective I want you leading this operation as long as I don't think you're too personal involved."_

"_Got it chief." With that he turned around and left her office. He was hardly outside when McNabb approached him. He was nervously standing from one foot to the other._

"_Ähm . . . Sir? Is it true that detective O'Hara was kidnapped?" _

_The detective thought about telling him the truth but he thought that at first Spencer should know. _

"_I can't talk right now McNabb. Go and get me a coffee." _

"_Yes sir!" The rookie hurried off and Lassiter looked after him. He felt slightly guilty for not giving him a straight answer but that feeling quickly vanished. Making his way over to his desk he started massaging his temples. What would he give for an aspirin right now. He didn't know how long he sat at his desk like that, silently rubbing his head and trying not to think about what could happen to his partner just now, when he heard an all to familiar voice calling his name._

"_Lassie face!" The pseudo psychic's voice was much too happy for somebody whose fiancée was just kidnapped, except . . . _

_Hell no!_

_He didn't know! That could not happen, no please no, don't let him be the one who has to tell him . . ._

"_Carly my chest haired buddy! Where is my sweet little fiancée hiding again?" Looking up he had to suppress a groan. Not only did the psychic not know, he had brought his whole group of unknowing friends too. Guster alright, but what was Mr. Spencer doing here?_

_The three of them had now reached his desk. _

"_No really Lassie. Where is Jules? We wanted to treat her to lunch."_

"_Spencer . . ."_

"_Yeah, I know it's a little late for lunch but she still hasn't eaten so maybe you can let her just . . ." _

"_SPENCER!" This damn boy couldn't shut up for one second could he? _

"_Whoa alright! Didn't need to yell I was just asking where Jules . . ." Lassiter could tell the exact moment that Spencer knew something wasn't right. His eyes kept sweeping trough the station and when they landed on her desk again his brows knitted together and his face became one of concern. Slowly turning back to him the young man looked confused. And even if Lassiters eyes where probably answer enough he opened his mouth again._

"_Lassie, what's . . ." But before Spencer could even finish his question the chief ha appeared out of her office._

"_Shawn." Her voice was softer than usually and that she used his first name was enough to make tue Young Spencer unterstand. _

„_Dad, dinner is officially canceled." With that he turned around and made his way into the chiefs Office, Expression grave. Guster and Mr. Spencer could only follow him with worried expressions and, he didn't know why, Lassiter also got out of his seat and made his way into the chief's office for the second time that day, knowing that this conversation was going to be far more unpleasant than his first._

_3 3 3_

_Dun Dun Dun! Tell me what you think. At first I wasn't happy with this chapter but I think in the end its okay. _

_Anyways . . . I just adore Shules! But I also love the partner/friendship of Lassie and Jules so I decided to make lassie a permanent fixture in this story. _

_And I also brought in some Henry/Shules because I love the idea of Henry being a Jules fan (like all of us) and see as Jules and Shawn are engaged in this story I thought it would be fitting to make them know each other better. _

_Did you watch the new psych episode Heeeeere´s Lassie? If not then go and do that ´cause its so worth it! I loved that episode! Was so creepy! I have got nightmares from these scary grandma twins! _

_Sorry again for grammar/writing errors!_

_So, enough talked from my side. It's youre turn!_

_Give me an R, give me an E, give me an V, give me . . . you get the idea._

_REVIEW! (Cheer)_

_Oh, and I also love ideas how the story could go on! So please! _

_AllyLovesYou! (No, really. She does.) _


	3. Chapter 3

Drum-roll! Dr-dr-dr-dr . . . seriously, how do you write a drum roll?

Anyway, chapter 3!

There are no words to describe how awfully sorry I am that it took me soooooo unbelievable long to update! Really! But I am trying to get a scholarship so I can do an exchange year in America in eleventh grade and it's all a little hectic!

(I know, I know! Believe me I am not trying to talk me out of this! I should have updated a LONG while ago! I deserve your entire wrath!)

Big thanks to _**proudtobepurple**__, _my first reviewer! To your question: I have been taking English for seven years now (since 3rd grade), so quite a while already! But it's my favourite subject and, like I said, I am hoping I get a scholarship so I can actually go to America. That would be so cool!

AND thank you to _**Sabrina EP fan**_and _**unobtrusivescribe, **_my other two reviewers! I loved all you reviews! It's so great to see what you all think about my story!

Also I thank the people who follow my story or put it to their favourites!__

Alright, so please keep reviewing! But if there is someone else who reads the story, please review too! It only takes like twenty seconds and it makes me all happy and bubbly inside!

This chapter will mostly be flashbacks because I want the conversation in both POV´s, Lassies and Shawn's.

And do you think I should also write from Juliet's POV when she is kidnapped?

Warning: Contains bad words! A lot of _f***._

Disclaimer: Do I really have to write it? (Sigh) Psych and all its contents and characters do not belong to me. (Ouch!)

Anyway, here it goes! (That was a really long authors note! sorry!)

AllyLovesYou!

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_**Shawn**_

He is starring into space while Lassie is starring into Jules file. For days it is like that. They don't speak but they also don't argue like usually. They have become somewhat like friends, both determined to find the one person who is the most important for them. It is like a rule between them. You don't speak with me and I let you alone.

He is alright with that. Most people think he can't go one day without babbling for hours about nonsense, but really he is more the quiet type. Sure, he likes to speak, and he does it a lot, but he likes the silence more. Not in uncomfortable situations, he is babbling on about every shit then, but he likes to remember and observe everything on his own and in peace. Sometimes he would just sit and watch Jules for hours, just looking and remembering every detail about her. She told him once it would be creepy, but there are times like this that he is really happy he did it.

He opens her drawer, pulling out her badge. She forgot it the day she was taken. Slowly he brushes his thumb over her name, engraved in thick, golden letters. Maybe if she would have noticed she forgot it things would have been different. He knows he can't allow himself to think like that. But he asks himself "What if" nevertheless.

Somehow in the end he always turns it so that he can blame himself for her disappearance. It always pains him, but he has gotten used to it. Deep down he knows it's not his fault.

He still asks himself how he could have prevented it. And he always comes up with a bunch of ideas.

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_He had known something would go wrong. He had known it! When he woke up he already had had a feeling that this would not be his day. So when he saw the look on Lassies face, he knew something was wrong. Worse, he knew something with Jules was wrong. That was when the fear started. With fast steps he strode into the chiefs office, not noticing Gus or his dad or Lassie following him. He just had one thing on his mind and that was his fiancée. So he took a Seat in one of the leather chairs he so often had sat in, but he was never this afraid before. And when he saw the pity in Karen Vicks face he thought that this was the moment. The moment he was scared of ever since he met Junior Detective Juliet O'Hara. The moment he knew would eventually come sometime. And he thought they would tell him that his girl was dead. That some suspect had gone crazy and shot her. That all help was too late and that her cold body was down in the morgue. He felt bile rising in his throat. _

_He knew she had a dangerous job, and he always respected her for it, loved her for it. But know he wished nothing more than that he could have locked her up somewhere and never let out._

_So when the chief opened her mouth to speak he closed his eyes, his heart already prepared to break at the next words. _

"_Mr. Spencer. As you may know did somebody call this morning about the location of the Lewis brothers. Well, as it turned out it actually was the real hiding place."_

_Shawn just waited. He didn't listen like he should. He just waited. For the shattering truth, or so he thought. _

_But his dad didn't just wait._

"_So, what's the problem then? I mean, if it was the real place then what the hell is the problem? You got them, right? These two little bastards are down in the interrogation room with Juliet, waiting to be locked up forever, right?" Henry looked around the room, knowing it wasn't true. Knowing that something was awfully wrong, but still trying to be hopeful. Shawn had never seen his father so helpless. _

_The Chief sighed. Cradling her head in her hands, she nearly lost her composure. Nearly. _

"_Mr. Spencer . . . Shawn. . . ." But Lassiter didn't let her finish. The older detective stood up from his place, and Shawn noticed for the first time that he was also in the room._

"_It was a trap. A fucking trap. The bastards knew we were coming. They knew it." _

"_Detective . . ." _

_But Lassiter was not listening and Shawn saw a fury in his eyes that frightened him. And you could see how also the last person in the room now understood that something happened out there. Gus looked at Shawn scared of what was to come. Shawn just closed his eyes. Because he knew it all along._

_Chief Vick started again, this time looking straight at him._

"_Shawn . . ."_

_He took a breath. Preparing his heart, his dreams, himself to be torn apart._

"_I am very sorry to tell you that . . ."_

_He tried to imagine how it would be without her. He came up Blanc. _

"_Detective O`H . . . Juliet . . . " _

_He cringed at her name. And he got a little dizzy. Maybe he should sit down. . . Oh, well. He was already sitting. _

" _. . . They took her. She was kidnapped."_

_And oh god, he was a horrible person._

_Because at first, he was relieved._

"_I am so sorry Shawn."_

_But this moment was fast gone and he opens his eyes._

"_We do everything we can to get her back."_

_And then the panic sat in. _

_**Lassiter**_

He is a bad detective. Scratch that. He is a fucking bad detective. How can it be that he just won't find anything? He solved all his cases. And the one containing his partner is **not** going to change that. Now angry, with himself and the whole world, he slams the file shut and goes to get himself a coffee. While sipping on it he is thinking about going back to the shooting range. But people will look and since he is not personal involved in this case, even when he is, he can't allow him that. Sighing he tries to come up with something to do. He would go and ask the chief about some unimportant rookie cases, but the chief would tell him to go and get some sleep. Yeah, sure. He is so not going to do that in the near future. Not just because, you know, his partner is kidnapped and he simply does not want to go to sleep till he knows that she also is safely in her bed, but even if he wants to get some rest he cant. Because the first time in his life Carlton Lassiter has nightmares. As soon as he closes his eyes there is just one picture in his head. And it frightens him more than anything else. Normal people would call a nightmare maybe an army of big spiders or the dead of a beloved one, but for him it is a warehouse that makes him shiver and fasten the grip on his gun. An empty warehouse. And he hates himself for it. Nightmares were always something he laughed about. How could you be afraid of something while you are asleep? The real world outside is the cruel one, not the one in your head that builds itself out of imaginations. But what if the real world and the one in your head are beginning to mix up? What if, when you try to flee from the real one, your dream one is the same? And what if he could have saved her? What if he had taken the back door? Would that have been any better?

He does not have to think long about the last one. He does not have to think about it at all. Because he has always known the answer. Because he would die for his partner, everyday. And he hates her for not giving him the chance to do so. But in the end, he does not hate her at all; he misses her too much for that.

People are starting to give him strange looks. He stands there looking into space, coffee on his lips but not drinking, in the middle of the police department. So he clears his throat, going back to his desk. He sees Spencer stroking like in trance about his partners badge. This small movement, up and down, of his thumb gives Lassiter Goosebumps. He can't say why.

_After the chief said it, after she finally said it, all hell broke loose. Henry yelled, screamed at them what they thought to do now, hands flat on the chief's desk and face to face with her. Guster came to him and shoved him backwards with one simple flip of his hand. He had never really realized how strong Guster was. The young fake psychics sidekick insulted him, asked him with angry words where he was when it happened, how he had tried to protect his partner. And each word stung like a knife in the chest. _

_Carlton had maybe defended himself, had told Guster he should stop insulting an police officer or he could spend the night in prison, but his focus was entirely on one person._

_Spencer still sat in his chair, hadn't moved a centimetre it seemed. He had had his eyes closed while the chief spoke, as if he had known what would come. Now they were open. Wide open. Starring at something in the far distance. Something that just the young man himself could see. Starring into nothing._

_The picture had something sad on it and Carlton had the sudden urge to bolt out of the door, far far away from all this. He had expected the young man to be angry, furious, to scream around and tell everyone what to do. He had expected Spencer to come to him. To look him in the eyes and tell him all the things he already knew. That he had failed. That it was one and only his own fault that they took O'Hara. He had been prepared for this. For the confrontation. He was good in that. He would have told Spencer that he was the one who should look after his girlfriend, or that Juliet was capable of taking care of herself. Something that would make him feel better, even if he knew it wouldn't. _

_But this . . . he didn't know how to handle this. It was nearly as if Spencer had just . . . accepted the fact that his fiancée was kidnapped. He was confused. _

_Spencer now moved. He stood up and everybody stopped what they were doing. All eyes were on the fake psychic. _

_The young man just strode to the door, eyes hollow and still focused on the things only he could see, and without another word he disappeared._

_Before Carlton knew what he was doing he followed him, with big steps to catch up with the man he supposedly hated so much, and grabbed his sleeve. With one move he turned Spencer around, so that the both of them were now eye to eye. _

_He licked his lips, pressed them together, opened and closed his mouth again. How come that now that Spencer didn't seem to blame him, he had the urge to apologize. To say sorry for failing Juliet. To say all the things he just wanted to tell one person. His Partner. His fucking partner who had the nerve to get kidnapped, who had the nerve to make him question himself and who had the nerve to make him feel guilty. _

"_I am sorry Spencer."_

_When Shawn looked up, it was like looking into a mirror. All he could see in the psychics eyes was sadness and guilt. So much guilt. And once again Carlton was confused. How could Spencer feel guilty if he wasn't even there? _

_And he remembered ying. He was locked in the car as Juliet was taken. He couldn't possibly have done something. And he remembered the guilt that had been eating him away._

_So yeah, he would probably feel guilty too._

"_S´alright Lassie. Wasn't your fault." And Spencer turned around and was gone, the sad smile he had given him slowly vanishing._

_Lassiter stood there. Thinking what he should have been saying._

_Wasn't yours either._

_33 3_

So, that was the chapter! Hope you liked it and sorry it was so short (and it took that long)!

I try to make the next longer! And sorry for any spelling and/or grammar errors!

Well, I am open for all kind of suggestions on how I could continue! Please tell me if you have ANY ideas!

Tell me just what you think! What was your favourite part, what could I do better, do you like Shawn's or Lassies part more, . . . EVERYTHING!

(Aaaaaalright . . . it's getting slightly creepy!)

I apologize for talking so much and boring you! I can't help myself!

Review!

Bye!

AllyLovesYou!


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